Good Morning God

Included in my morning routine is a quick text to my son in college.  Now, how many of these he actually sees is not the point.  Since Jim views the phone as useful only for necessary communication, his phone is usually turned off.  Still, I want to greet him in the morning.   When I got my new phone, Savannah showed me the wonders of the voice to text.  Since I find the use of the little buttons to text very frustrating, I usually avail myself of the dictation.  This morning, after a sleepy prayer time, I dictated my morning message to my son.  I intended for it to say: Good morning guy, I hope you have a great day, love you.  However, this is not quite how it came out.  The dictation showed:  good morning god I hope you have a great day love you. 

While I dutifully corrected the god to guy, another thought came to me.   The beautiful idea that God desires a friendship with us has been a constant theme of late in my readings and also appeared in this past Sunday’s homily.  To borrow also from a recent homily, I may know in my head that God wants a friendship with me, but do I know it in my heart?  I often see this as a matter of awareness.   God is always there waiting for me, but given my state of mind, do I even think of him?

I have been struggling to find a way to build that awareness.  Even today in my morning prayer, as I tried to prayer with the Scripture, I found myself falling asleep.   I recently finished Patricia Livingston’s wonderful book, “Let in the Light”.  Among the many beautiful, simple concepts in that book was the suggestion to pray in the way that is comfortable to me.  Ms. Livingston also reminded me that “productivity” in prayer is not at all up to me.  God takes the initiative and it really is all up to Him. This little text message then raised a question.   It was not lost upon me this morning that I nearly fell asleep during my formal prayer time, but God seemed to be speaking to me as I reached out to someone that I love dearly. 

Ms. Livingston’s book and the other readings that have crossed my path of late have really encouraged a constant communication with God.   I was urged to talk to him as a friend about all things throughout the entire day.  Turn my distractions, worries and anxiety into prayer.  Give these thoughts to God.  Let Him become a constant presence in my life.  So, when I saw the dictation error, I thought that it may be one of those tiny ways that He communicates with me all day.  I saw it as an invitation to further that friendship in a simple and comfortable manner.   What better way to begin a constant daily communication with God? What better way to develop a friendship with Him than to greet Him first thing in the morning with a statement of love?  Perhaps I have been trying to compartmentalize my pray when I should just be talking to Him all day long.  So, maybe the text was not an error at all.  Good morning God I hope you have a great day love you.  

The Dude Sweater

One of the things I want to do in this blog is record my knitting adventures.  After long languishing on my needles, I am finally making progress with the Dude sweater. http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/the-dude The Dude sweater is a replica of that worn by Jeff Bridges as the Dude in the film "The Big Lebowski."  This movie is one of Jim's favorites and since his aunt has long dubbed him "Dude", the sweater was a natural choice to make for him.  So, when Jim left for college, (yes, I have been working on this for that long) I started this sweater.  What I did not know when I started was that it was extremely difficult to knit long sections of color work not in the round AND in 1X1 rib. (excuse the knitter's speak) I kept searching for a trick on how to accomplish this and having found none, my zeal for the project waned and it sat for a long time.  So long in fact that my dear mother-in-law suggested that I would give it to Jim for a graduation present. (She did not say whether it would be graduation from college or the PT program.  That would give me another 2 years to finish.)  After Christmas, I picked the project back up and hope to finish the back very soon.  My plan is to finish the sweater by spring.  While Jim won't be able to wear it this winter, hopefully he will have it for the next and then for many, many years to come.  I wonder if I will look back on this blog post and think, boy, was I overly optimistic, or actually end up finishing this sweater.

The Snow Day that Wasn't

School was cancelled today.  At this later hour in the morning, the snow has just started and I am wondering why they did not try to get the day in some how.  After all, we lost all those days to the hurricane.  I assume that they must be concerned about the coming ice.  If you can manage to stay at home, who does not like a snow day?  It is a forced change in routine.  A chance to slow down a little.  Maybe a chance to catch up on things, or just do nothing at all.  Since I am lucky that I can work at home, I have always been one to enjoy a snow day.
This morning, I found myself reminiscing about the times when my son was young when there was an expected snow day that did not happen.  The use of the word "reminisce" is actually quite amusing, since it means to "indulge in an enjoyable recollection of past events."  I guess when your first child is in college, you find yourself reminiscing about just about anything.   In reality, there was nothing enjoyable about what happened when a snow day that my son expected did not happen.  When a predicted storm was on the radar, it ended up on my son's radar as well.  Only when it ended up on his radar, it became an event which he thought was guaranteed to happen.  I would dread hearing people talk about the coming storm and it was information that was nearly impossible to avoid.   I knew that school staff also talked about what would happen if the school day was missed.  Only, we all would be flexible if the snow day did not happen.  In fact, most adults would even be happy not to have to deal with the mess of travel and clean up.  But, flexible was not a word that could used to describe my son.  His need for routine and structure guaranteed that the missed snow day would end up in a meltdown.  The end result was that we needed to have a plan to work with if the snow day did not happen. These plans included the snow day social story and intervention from his speech therapist.  I recall lots of attempts to reason with him that no one, not even the teachers, was particularly happy to be at school if they had hoped for a day off due to snow.
I don't know if this happened because the predicted snow day became part of his rule structure, or if he just really needed a day off from school and was counting on the break.  My son spent a lot of energy just to get through the school day.  Being the rule boy that he is, he was never a behavioral issue at school.  In fact, he was the model student.  However, we experienced the fall out from school stress at home.  It was no wonder why he would crave the snow day off.  Ultimately, we realized that scheduled infrequent "break days" from school made a big difference in addressing his anxiety.  Most times, he did not even use the "break day", but simply knowing that he had one made a big difference.  The snow day dilemma became less of an issue once the "break day" was implemented.   Like thunderstorms in November, the snow day issues faded as my son became more flexible and increased his understanding.  Now, it is just a memory, enjoyably recalled as the snow falls on this quiet and peaceful morning.

About the title...

Anyone who is the parent of a child with autism knows that routine and structure is extremely important for that child.  My non-expert opinion of autism is that it is in essence a social communication and anxiety disorder. At least that is how it has always presented for my son.   I believe that the need for routine and structure really comes out of that anxiety.  The child with autism cannot predict what is going to happen next like the rest of us.  So, they create order any way that they can.  Therefore, they create routines, and many times create lots of rules as well.
Raising a rule boy carries with it many blessings.  Just like it sounds, my son always follows the rules.  I have always thought that this added to his structure, routine and decreased his anxiety.  For the most part, that made parenting him very easy.  Even now, he still follows the rules. The speed limit is what it says, not many miles higher.  Another reality to ease parental worry about travel.  However, when he was younger, he also created his own rules.  To the extent where we could honor them, we did. There was no sense in adding to his anxiety if his rules were reasonable.   However, he frequently created rules over which we had no control and these included rules about the weather.  What is a parent to do when a child decides that there can be no thunderstorms in November or snow in April?   Well, we prepared for the coming storm that would happen in our house, much more so than for the one that happened outside.  My son's anxiety would increase gradually, first with the prediction of the weather and then with the onset of the storm.  All the preparation in the world did not stop the fact that his weather rule had been broken.  There was a great sense of frustration that God just did not seem to follow the rules.
As with all aspects of his autistic traits, my son's trouble with these pesky weather rules substantially decreased over time.  I think it safe to say that these issues no longer bother him.  He learned to be flexible and roll with the punches.  But, I still cringe a little when I hear that there will be a thunderstorm in November or snow in April.  I remember the frightened little boy and I appreciate the fine grown man that he has become.  A thunderstorm in November (at least in eastern Pennsylvania) is certainly not a typical occurrence.  It is something unexpected to which people react in various ways; good, bad or indifferent.   Thunderstorms in November posed a real challenge during those years. But, I came to appreciate and even enjoy a good storm.

The Big 50

 Today is my 50th birthday.  I am strangely excited about this milestone.  I had always thought that I would dread turning 50, but something has shifted.  Recently, the idea of turning 50 has turned into the possibility of being open to new experiences with a deeper perspective than I had before.  It has come from the idea that as we age, we let go of the unimportant things in life.  In the letting go, we are able to find our true selves. 

The other day, I had a conversation with a friend about my excitement.  My friend pointed out that the Gospel for Sunday was about the marriage feast in Cana.  Jesus's first miracle was to change water into wine at the gentle but persuasive urging of his mother.  The wine that Jesus provided was so good that it prompted the head waiter to remark to the bridegroom that he had "kept the good wine until now."  John 2:1-11.  My friend drew the comparison that what lays ahead is perhaps the "good wine" kept for last.  I have not been able to stop thinking about this analogy and the possibility it carries.  Is this new wine an openness to new experiences, a shedding of thinking patterns that are no longer productive or useful?  I do not know.  What I do know is that the "good wine" of my life cannot be made by me.  Like the beautiful Gospel story of the marriage of Cana, the good wine can only be created by Jesus.  I think that maybe the best part about turning 50 is that I am finally realizing that I simply need to keep out of His way and cooperate with the wonderful plans that He has for me.

So, it is in the last few days that I decided to start a blog on my 50th birthday.  I have long thought about writing a blog, but have made one excuse after the other.  Would I have time? Who would want to read it anyway?, and so on and so forth.  But, I realized that I like to write and I like to be creative. This blog is the start of a new creative adventure and I hope a real spiritual journey.  I will write about my knitting, spinning, photography, and maybe I will be brave enough to share my poems.  I will write about the journey through autism with my son.  It is from this journey that I derive the title of the blog.  A post about this will follow soon.  I also started a 365 days of life project, which I read about on another blog.  You take one or more pictures for an entire year, and I started a few days ago.  I plan on sharing my photos here.  I know that I am  planning a lot of things and I don't know what will develop.  But, the important thing that I wanted to do today is start.  Start this blog and most of all, start cooperating with Jesus as He works in my life.